The title of this post is based on an earlier article I wrote about Pelican Medicine and the timely addition of an astute observation by Dr. Paul Goldberg about pelicans: That once they decide on their target (what they want), they dive headfirst at breakneck speed into the swirling waters and pounding waves – they commit wholeheartedly to their outcome, with no hesitation or fallback plan.

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Pelican diving in Akumal, Mexico

And wow, does that resonate with me today!

This last week has been a difficult one for me. I’ve felt discombobulated; a whirling mass of frenetic WHAT??

aude-meditateMy horses have stood quietly by as the Jini-whirlwind has descended on their pasture each day, blasted through the chores, attempted to join them in our usual group meditation, but ended up taking pictures or thinking lots of THOUGHTS instead.

You know those times when you’re in the middle of SHIFT, but you’re not sure what you’re shifting to, or why? And so I’ve just kept journaling.

I’ve accepted that I feel really disjointed, but I don’t know why, and that’s okay. I’ve accepted that my body/mind/soul is in process of something and I will just stay PRESENT through the process.

I will not try to make the discomfort go away. I will keep journaling my questions, feelings and unknowns every night, I will have my journal near my bed for any dreams that may come with insight or direction for me. I will stay open to all my animals for guidance or questions or thoughts.

I notice that my dog Tiah is doing a lot of lying right near my feet. And I thank her for lending her energy to support whatever is happening. I notice that my horses are not demanding much of anything from me, but are likewise just hanging nearby, looking at me, doing horsey things like fly swatting and eating. And I thank them for their patience and support.

horses-meditate

And then this morning I am lying in bed with Ian, listening to construction noises and drinking the morning probiotics he just brought me (most people bring their spouse coffee, mine brings probiotics, awww!) and I start dialoguing all these random, swirly thoughts, feelings, questions, and discontents.

I feel my body relaxing and releasing as this mess of stuff leaves my body and streams out into the here and now. I don’t need to know WHY, I don’t need to have any answers, I don’t even need to know what the heck I’m talking about! I just need to let my mouth speak out what my heart, gut, lungs, pelvis and legs are full of.

This is called releasing a