I read this really GREAT article in Oprah magazine, by Raphael Cushnir, where he shares the process he developed to get people who are stuck in cycles of sabotage, or inertia, or confusion… FREE.

Not surprisingly, this is a mind/body technique. It is really fabulous in it’s simplicity. Yet it produces profound shift and unlocking of the things that are holding us back from healing and keeping us locked into our frustrating, disheartening feedback loops.

So after reading the article, I decided to map out the basics of Raphael’s technique in a step-by-step process. That way I could test it out on myself and my kids (who range from age 7 to 13). If you haven’t clicked through to the article, do that now as most of it is his own story of pain and healing, combined with one of his client’s stories – and storytelling is the best way to learn something and have it go in at a deep level of understanding.

Okay, now that you’ve read the article…

Here’s how I broke down his process to use for myself and kids. If you’re leading this process, then you say the words in black. The brackets in green denote the person’s response:


Focus on [ the problem ] with all its intense frustration.

Let it fill you up. [ pause ]

With particular attention on your body, tell me what is happening right now?

[ describes physical symptoms ]

Can you be with it? Not the whole issue, just the  [ list physical symptoms ]. For this moment only, can you accept with 100 percent of your being that it’s actually happening? You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to give up your desire to change it. All you have to do is open to it completely.

[ gives it a try ]

What’s happening right now?

[ describes feelings or physical sensations ]

Can you be with that [ list emotion(s) ] and see where it leads?

[ often resistance roars up and person tries to quit ]  OR  [ describes more feelings in body or emotions ]

Can you stay with this process just a little longer?  Sometimes we’re okay to feel difficult, yucky things, but only for a short period of time, then we tighten up against them. So we think we’ve allowed our emotions to flow, but we’ve actually cut them off. And we won’t shift if we can’t move into flow.

If you can allow yourself to expand fully, allowing your emotions to rise and fall, to come and go in their own time, even though it can feel like forever, if you can let go of resistance and allow your emotions to flow, you’ll get the quickest results.

It may sound backwards, but the only way you can move out of a negative, scary or yucky feeling is to allow it and move fully into it. Opening to those feelings is the only way out.

[ person decides to try again ]

Focus on your problem again, with all its intense frustration. Let it fill you up. Go into your body and tell me what is happening right now. [ Sit with the person in their stillness, BE with them, rather than waiting for an answer. ]

[ describes feelings or physical sensations ]

Let’s look again at the  [ problem/issue ]? From this place, what action could you take? Could you [ suggest first step, small step ].

Continue discussion and ideas. If you need to, go back the beginning of the process if something new arises.


BIG thank-you to Raphael for sharing his light with us. If you want to learn more about this process and have him guide you through some steps via video, he’s offering a free 4-part video series.

Or, you can book private sessions with him (sliding fee scale).


This process is really useful for kids as they often have trouble articulating what’s going on with them – it just feels like one big, hot, mess.

So sometimes (especially the first few times you do this), after this phrase:

With particular attention on your body, tell me what is happening right now?

If the child answers: “I don’t know”

Then use these questions:

  • Okay, where in your body are the feelings located? Your chest, your tummy, your leg, where?
  • What color is it? (Imagine it’s a color, what color is it?)
  • What shape is it?


Then this next question:

Can you be with that [ list emotion(s) ] and see where it leads?

Changes to (for example):

Can you be with that green triangle in your chest and see where it leads?

by this point, the child is usually in tune enough to start to explore what is really going on for them.

One of my sons deals with a lot of fear, so this process usually involves allowing that fear (instead of fighting against it) and observing it together for a while. Then we allow that fear to flow through his whole body. This then eventually results in insight, or sleep!

Don’t be afraid to just use this process as a framework and then innovate or take it in a different direction according to your own intuition – your gut knows!

Soar higher!